What To Do When You Fall Off Of The Vegan Wagon (And How to Not Torture Yourself)

Most vegans that I know are so passionate about being vegan, that they either never make a “mistake” or they just don’t admit it. As I am writing this article I am sitting on an airplane already contemplating whether or not my vegan friends and colleagues will judge me for what I am about to say or think I’m not “a real vegan”. The truth of the matter is that now that I have been vegan for about two years, I have it mostly figured out. I know what to eat when I am home, at friend’s houses, or even at parties. However, like anything else, knowing what to do and always doing it perfectly are two completely different things.

Recently I flew back east to attend a good friend’s baby shower. While there were plenty of delicious vegan options at this beautiful party, I ate the Caesar salad – that’s right, real Caesar salad with actual cheese (the horror) and while I am being completely honest, I’ll go ahead and tell you, I also had cake. Looking back, I know exactly why I did it; it looked delicious, I wanted it, and after a week of over indulging on vacation, my food defenses were down. That being said, I do not think I (or you ) need to feel any kind of self loathing over situations like these. In fact, I can’t help but think that even though this is something rarely talked about in the vegan community, I can’t possibly be the only passionate vegan to occasionally slip up and have this kind of experience. However, I wanted to be transparent and hopefully be useful to other vegans who may be worrying badly about a similar situation.

As I would tell my psychotherapy clients, like with any other mistake in life, this can be an opportunity for positive self- talk, a generous reframe, and a little bit of humility.

1. Positive Self Talk

How many of you find yourself saying things to yourself in your head that you would never say to anyone else that you loved? I can tell you as a therapist that the cure for bad feelings (in any situation) is not more bad feelings and self loathing. Some positive self talk can go a long way in helping you move past whatever it is that you want to move past. So for example, in this situation my self-talk sound like, “Karen, nobody is perfect, you will do better next time, and you ate much healthier and according to your beliefs than you used to.”

2. Reframe

There are always many ways to look at the same situation. In cognitive behavioral therapy, one learns that your thoughts become feelings, and your feelings can become actions. Essentially, the exact words you use to describe or think about a situation will greatly affect how you feel about it. So instead of thinking to myself ” you really screwed up with food this week”. I can say “It was challenging to eat a plant based vegan diet and this is an opportunity to learn to make better choices next time. What can I do to make it easier for myself in future situations?” Or even, ” How can I use this experience to help others”.

3. Humility

Just like everyone else, vegans are not perfect. In fact, I don’t even think perfection is the goal. For me, I am just trying to do things better and learn from mistakes. I also think that situations like this one are a great opportunity to remember to be empathetic and understanding to non-vegans or even new vegans who you might be tempted to judge.

This may sound hokey, but I really believe that we can learn something from every experience or use it to help others and my hope is that this article will do just that.